The Land of Canaan

Peregrine's been thinking on deep spiritual things lately. Or maybe he just likes honey.

"I want to go from Egypt to that place where the river of milk and honey is flowing. And I would just dive in and eat the honey all. And Poppy would want to go too and you could carry her if she gets tired. Mommy, we'll have to talk to Daddy about going to that place where the milk and honey is. We could drive there, through the sand. And we could bring some beach toys Mommy. And some little snacks we could pack up and go."

Trust

Several mornings ago I found Peregrine has woken up extra early. Being a Mom who likes to know just how sleep deprived her child is, I questioned him a bit. "Did you see Daddy before he left for work?" His answer was a bit confusing to me. "No, but he came in and said goodbye and kissed me and told me that he loves me. But I was sleeping so I didn't hear him." When I asked him how he knew Daddy had done this if he was asleep he replied with such simplicity and faith: "He told me last night that he would."
I've been thinking about this for days. Peregrine had no doubt whatsoever that Daddy had done just as he said he would. I'm once again reminded of the words of Christ in Matthew 18:3. "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Oh, to have faith like that, to trust implicitly in the Words of our Father. And what a beautiful gift God has given to our children, this ability to place their trust in us. On the flip side, what a sobering reminder of the responsibility we have to be worthy of it. We are human; we will fail and disappoint them many times. I wish it weren't so, but I know it is. I pray that when we do we'll have the grace to humble ourselves and ask for their forgiveness. And I pray most of all, that during these precious years when we are "like gods" to them, we will introduce them to the One who will never fail them, who will never break faith with them, and who will never let them go.

Chocolate for Breakfast

My sister and her husband just bought a new house and Peregrine and I drove over to see it a few nights ago. As we sat together this morning in Erik's big chair our rambling conversation turned to their new home; how much bigger it is and how fun it will be to go play there , etc. I told him that one of the reasons they wanted more space is because they'd like to adopt some more kids, and that maybe they'll get some that are his age. I then mentioned that some kids are orphans because their parents couldn't take very good care of them. His reply to that was "Will they feed them chocolate first thing in the morning?" I was a little confused, thinking he was asking if Alyssa and Scott will feed their new children chocolate for breakfast! Then I realized he was equating parents not taking good care of their kids with feeding them chocolate "first thing in the morning"!
I had to laugh; somewhere along the line hes probably asked me for chocolate way too early in the morning. I can only assume I made a comment that made him think "good parents don't feed their kids chocolate for breakfast"! The things he remembers, and the way they come out later on, are pretty funny! It reminds me of that saying "Chocolate: It's not just for breakfast anymore!" And on a more serious note, I'm so glad that he has no idea what it really looks like when parents don't take care of their children.

Life and Death

Over the years I've often felt a bit "guilty" for not getting more excited about Easter. Although one can't entirely isolate the Resurrection of our Savior from His life and death, in many ways it is the day on which all of our hopes are hung. Through it Christ conquered death and gives us the promise of Life. And yet it often seems, for me anyway, a day with little anticipation and not nearly the excitement I think I ought to have at the celebration of such an event!
In the Eastern Orthodox Church the celebration of the Resurrection of Christ is the pinnacle of the Church year. As Erik and I have investigated and moved toward Orthodoxy the last two years I've begun to catch a glimpse of what I've been missing in my celebration of Easter, and how I can experience the awe and wonder that I've always felt should be there. Prior to being introduced to Orthodoxy I had only a few fuzzy notions to associate with the word Lent, all of them from a Roman-Catholic-through-a-Protestant-lens perspective. As I've learned and listened and read, something has just recently "clicked" within me. From Orthodoxwiki Lent "is the living symbol of man's entire life which is to be fulfilled in his own resurrection from the dead with Christ. It is a time of renewed devotion: of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. It is a time of repentance, a real renewal of minds, hearts and deeds in conformity with Christ and his teachings. It is the time, most of all, of return to the great commandments of loving God and neighbors."
I'm beginning to see that going through a period of preparation, of voluntarily denying one's self a few of life's pleasures, of spending more time in prayer and repentance, of allowing a little more of self to die, will afford one a more real celebration of the resurrection! Somehow I've never put it together before- if I want to experience true joy in Christ's life, then I need to experience some death. This is one of the great paradoxes of Christianity- death comes before life! Of course, this is the calling of the the Christian, to die to ourselves and to follow Christ, but the "darkness of Lent is to allow the flame of the Holy Spirit to burn within our hearts until we are led to the brilliance of the Resurrection." (Alexander Schmemann in Great Lent.)
Already the Orthodox Church is in the period leading up to Lent; the last three Sundays have taught us to desire Christ through the story of Zaccheus, to humble ourselves through the story of the tax collector and the Pharisee, and to turn toward God in repentance through the story of the Prodigal Son. This sentence from Great Lent spoke volumes to me regarding repentance: "And the one who is perfectly "at home" in this world, who has never really been wounded by the nostalgic desire for another Reality, will not understand what is repentance." How often I feel that raw wound in myself, that desire for my true Home, and yet I fail to repent of sins that separate me from God's perfect rest.
I'm excited to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ this year. My flesh is not excited about being denied anything that it's used to having. But I want the fullness of what God has for me; I want to experience the joy of Life and Christ's victory over death!

Moments in my Days

It is said that that time with little ones is made up of long days and short years. I already feel like the years are going by too quickly. There are moments I pause and try to burn into my memory; to take in the sight and the feel of the moments that I never want to forget. Here are a few of them.

• Looking up early in the morning, surprised to see my quiet-as-a-mouse boy in his jammies. And the snuggle that follows.
• Dress up clothes, carefully put on by the dress-up trunk. Carelessly taken off all over the house.
• Kissing tears off soft cheeks.
  
• Seeing them play kindly together, how they both delight in it. And I do too.
  
• Reading together. On the couch and in the rocking chair, on the floor, wherever. The books that, as a result, end up on the couch and in the rocking chair, on the floor, all over.
• Stealing into their rooms after they're asleep, stroking their cheeks, their hands, their hair. And when that's not enough, picking them up and holding them awhile, or lying down and cuddling with them.
  
• The sound of laughter that comes not from humor, but from happiness.
• The things they think are treasures. Simple things like pinecones and feathers and band-aids.
  
• Watching the joy in little faces when they grasp a concept.
• Reading the same books. Over. And over. And over. Then watching Peregrine sit down and "read" them to Alethea.
  
• Hearing them try new words on for size. They're often used incorrectly at first, but it's amazing how they figure it out after a while.
• Playing make believe.
  
• The joy they find in special moments, like a picnic/walk or a surprise trip to the ice cream shop.
  
• The little songs they sing when they don't realize anyone is listening.
• Hearing "Mom, you know what? I love you." It always makes me happy.
• Being "fooled" by the same trick three hundred and seventy-four times. Watching them dissolve into giggles that they tricked me. Again.
• Little arms wrapped around my neck.
  
• Getting to be the one they want when they're hurt or upset.

It's moments like these that sprinkle the days with sweetness, that make the harder, less pleasant memories fade away. How I want to hold them always in my heart!

Have a great weekend. And enjoy your family!