The Summer of Unknowing

 

    I think I will remember this as The Summer of Unknowing, a time of learning more deeply that we make our plans but God directs our footsteps. And as hard as it is to watch things unfold differently than we'd planned, it's good. It's good to know that I'm actually not in control of my life, that I can trust God to work things out not only for our good, but for our best. This is the summer of waiting, watching, wanting something to happen. We've been trying to sell our home for a few months now. After working on it through the fall and winter, we heard from a number of sources that the market had picked up and homes in our price range were selling quickly. We felt encouraged that the time was right. Whereas before I'd been thinking that the market was dismal, that it could take months, years even, to get an offer, we felt hopeful that perhaps it would move quickly after all.

    We were further encouraged by not one, but two, different families who basically came knocking on our door and showed a strong interest in our home before it was even listed. The first couple was getting together with their realtor to write us an offer when they learned that a home across the street from where they were renting was about to be listed and decided to stay in their neighborhood. The second couple also loved our home and, I think, would have bought it if their first choice had fallen through. Even though neither of these buyers came through, I felt a strong sense that it was God's way of showing me from the beginning that He was in control, that if He could bring someone to our door without any effort from us, that I could trust Him when it seemed like things weren't working out.

    So here we are. Our home has been on the market since mid-April. We've had countless showings and two open houses, each preceded by a frenzy of cleaning on my part. We've ridden the roller coaster of preparing and hoping and waiting and being disappointed. We bought tickets to Peru for September, trusting that it would all work out, that our home would sell, and that we'd be on our way this fall. We wrote into our contract with our realtor that if we don't have an offer by August 1st that we will take it off the market. At that point, our plan is to refinance and either do a lease to own option or keep it as a rental property. Neither of those is our first choice, but either could be a good option. Due to some of the details of refinancing we would need to cancel our trip to South America though, which would be a huge disappointment. (Thankfully, we have trip cancellation insurance and would be able to get our tickets refunded.) 

    As August 1st approaches we feel a growing pressure. Our moment of decision is coming, and I'm not sure what we should do. Take it off the market and refinance? Rent it? Lease to own? Keep trying to sell? Cancel our trip or go anyway? There are some other options I'm not sharing at this point, but it all feels pretty complicated. I feel a mild panic rising when I start to dwell on it. But mostly, God has given me an incredible peace through this time, a strong sense that He is in control and that we will know what to do when the time comes. Maybe we'll receive an offer in the next week, maybe we won't. Maybe He will make the path very clear before us, or maybe we'll just have to choose an option.

    In my years of singleness, when I had many choices to make about how and where to spend my time, I often was in angst over what to do. "I just want to do the right thing", I would moan. I've always struggled with indecision, as those who know me well can attest. My mom used to tell me, "Rebeca, what do you know is God's will for your life? It's that you become like Christ, transformed into His image, right? Maybe it really doesn't matter if you choose A or B, because we know that as long as your heart is turned toward Him, then He will work all things for your good and do His work in you." Once again I'm brought back to those words. Sometimes the path seems clear, and other times it doesn't. I've been wanting, waiting for, some very definite light to shine on our path, and maybe it's just not going to happen that way. I've also had a strong sense that "you will be able to look back on this time and see that it all happened the way it was supposed to."

    And so I wait. And I (mostly) enjoy a sense of peace and even rest in this, the Summer of Unknowing. As much as I'd like all the ends to be tied up and the pillar of fire to move before me, I know in my heart that it's all happening as it should. I still have no idea how it will play out, but I'm excited for what He has in store for us, and trusting that as we walk with our hearts open to Him, He will transform us.