Great Expectations

        I'm realizing that most of my frustration and disappointment in life comes from my own expectations not being met. Most of these expectations are things that I project onto my husband and children and others around me. Then, when they fail to meet my often unexpressed expectations I get annoyed and frustrated with them. Or I expect things to be easy, and they're hard, or to stay clean and they get messy. But the problem really lies with me.
Last summer we went to the beach with my two best friends. Both of them got down on the sand and played with the kids and got all messy and had a great time. I stood there watching, not wanting to get dirty. It showed me something about myself that I needed to change, and it had to do with my expectations again. If I'd have expected to go and get messy and had counted on some extra clean-up time and dry clothes to change into I'd have had a lot more fun that day. After all, you can't keep the kids out of the sand, so why not get down and have fun and make sand pits and castles and memories together?
How often I've been disappointed in my husband because he hasn't done or said quite the thing I secretly hoped he would do. Certain days, like birthdays, Valentine's Day and Mother's Day, have often come and gone and left me feeling empty at the end. Not because my husband ever forgets or fails to to do something for me, but because I had built it up in mind that it would be a certain way, and then it wasn't. My unrealistic expectations weren't met, and I went to bed feeling just a bit slighted. What a rotten, bratty, ungrateful attitude! My husband is sweet to me and lavishes praise on me every day of the year, and yet I've let these silly days leave me pouting inside.
God has been dealing with me about this and as Mother's Day approached this year I resolved to expect nothing from my husband, or my kids as they're too young to even know what day it is. No dropping hints ahead of time, no setting myself up for disappointment. And you know what? It was the best Mother's Day ever. Because my attitude had changed I was able to truly appreciate the simple things Erik did for me and the joy of just being with my kids throughout the day. Erik got up with the kids and let me sleep in (which he always does on the weekends.) The day before I'd commented on the beautiful poppies in the yard and he picked some and put them in a vase for me. It was sitting, along with a square of chocolate, on a piece of graph paper on which he had written a heartfelt note to me. And then he made me scrambled eggs and even did (most of) the dishes.
I was able to appreciate my husband for who he was and how the things he did reflected him. My graph paper note means more to me than some pretty card that cost $4.59 at Wal-Mart. The things he wrote were from his heart, not the pen of a card-sentiment writer. I will fold it up and tuck it away and read it over and over. My little vase of poppies brings me joy even as I watch the petals drop one by one. I will remember my little boy greeting me with "Happy Mother's Day" when I finally got up in the morning, then sitting out on the deck with him and finishing "Farmer Boy" together. And my sweet baby girl who lights up when I walk into the room.
So, little by little, I'm trying to get rid of my great expectations, or at least bring them down to the realm of reality. Instead, I will enjoy the moments I'm given with the people I love and appreciate them for who they are. I will take off my socks and shoes and get down and dig in the sand and run in the waves with my kids. I'll try to think more about how I can bless my family then how they can bless me. And I think we'll all be a lot happier for it!

F is for Family

We ended our E week with an unplanned trip to the zoo and got to see the Elephants, which is always a treat. And this is the perfect week for the letter F, as Erik's sister and her Family are here visiting from Canada. So.....

* We plan to have lots of Fun with lots of Family
* Learn about Frogs and watch our tadpoes grow
* Read Francis books, Frog and Toad stories, and the Foot Book by Dr. Suess
* Play Follow-the-Leader and Frisbee
* Learn about Flamingos
* Talk about what it means to be a true Friend and learn Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times." Read about David and Jonathan from the Bible.
* Read about Firefighters and Firetrucks and talk about Fire Safety. Maybe we can stop by the Fire Station!
* Sing this song to the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot:"
I'm a little firefighter on the go.
Here is my helmet
Here is my hose.
When I see a fire,
Hear me shout:
"Turn on the water
and put the fire out!"
Shhhhhhhh!

Thoughts from the Garden

        From the moment I found out I was pregnant with our first, Erik and I have prayed for wisdom to raise our children, and that they would grow up to love and fear the Lord God. We've read many books claiming that "this is the way" to raise your children. They all seem to promise the same result while offering the reader wildly different "methods" for obtaining it. Wouldn't it be nice to have some formula that would guarantee that if we do this, this, and this, our children will turn out like that? My Dad likes to point out out that Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go..." not in the way his sister or brother or another child should go. I've been mulling this over for a while, but this weekend, while working in the garden, I felt like it was clarified to me in a new way.
        I'm a fairly novice gardener; I like to dig around in the dirt and plant things and water them and watch them grow. This is our first Spring in a new home, so we're starting from scratch, digging and building beds and planting. We did a soil test and are amending the soil based on the needs of the individual plants. We've been watching the shadows to discern wether a particular spot qualifies as sunny, partially sunny, shady, etc. As I studied my seed packets the other day, trying to decide where and when to plant each them, it occurred to me that just as each plant thrives in different conditions so each child needs to be raised uniquely. Some plants can be sown directly into the soil; others need to be started indoors and carefully transplanted. One loves sunshine and another will whither and die in the heat. Some can tolerate drought and others need lots of water and mulching to keep the roots moist. In the same way, each child will thrive in a particular environment.
        As I considered where to grow each plant, I realized Erik and I need to carefully consider each of our children's unique characteristics as well. There is no "one size fits all" formula for raising kids. We need the Holy Spirit's guidance with each child, in each situation. I don't know how many times I've heard someone say, when speaking of a wayward child in an otherwise godly family "But they were all raised the same way; I don't know what happened." I do not want to pass judgement on anyone, on their apparent successes or failures, but maybe children shouldn't all be raised the same way. Our own children are young and we're just starting this journey and want to learn from others. I'm realizing each precious child is a unique little plant and we need to look to the Lord for "growing instructions". They need many of the same things, sunshine and water and good dirt, but one may need more of one thing and less of another.
        And of course we need to remember there are weeds and pests that threaten to harm our tender little shoots as they grow. This paragraph from Farmer Boy struck me as I read it to Peregrine: "There was no time to lose, no time to waste in rest or play. The life of the earth comes up with a rush in the springtime. All the wild seeds of weed and thistle, the sprouts of vine and bush and tree, are trying to take the fields. Farmers must fight them with harrow and plow and hoe; they must plant the good seeds quickly." (Laura Ingalls Wilder) We, as parents, are like those farmers; we must fight the weeds and thistles that come up in our own hearts first, and then in and around our dear little children. Galations 6:9 says "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up".
        Lord, give us wisdom to know our own hearts and then the hearts of our children. Teach us to raise each one in the way he should go and to learn from you just what he needs moment by moment and day by day. We look to You for wisdom and trust You for a harvest of righteousness.

Three-and-a-half

Peregrine was three-and-a-half on Monday. When I was a girl I remember my Mom doing something to celebrate our half-birthdays and I always thought it was special. I didn't say anything to Peregrine about it all day, and then after Alethea had gone to bed I surprised him with cupcakes and Erik gave him a flashlight. It was so fun to watch the wonder in his face, and the pure delight and surprise when I walked into the room with his treat. I think part of what made it so fun was that it was totally unexpected, and it was a simple way of showing him how special he is to us. He exclaimed "I didn't know it was going to be a party!"
Here are some of the things I love about my boy:

* He is full of energy and curiosity about life
* He makes me laugh with the things he says and does
* He brings me flowers from the yard, and knows I will love them
* He loves to help me in the kitchen and the garden
* He loves his Daddy and equates growing up with "when he's a Daddy"
* He has a great imagination- yesterday we were, at various times, a family of coyotes, elephants named Chai and Bamboo and Hansa, a family of penguins, and when working in the garden we were Almanzo and Alice and Eliza Jane.
* He loves books and being read to
* He's a great story-teller
* He is cuddly for about three minutes in the morning. (I'd be happy with more, but I'll take what I can get!)
* When he wakes up in the night, he comes in and says in the sweetest voice "Im comin' in to cuddle with ya'" as if I'd been lying awake waiting for him!
* He loves his sister

Yep, I love that boy. I thank the Lord for three-and-a-half years and look forward to every day we are blessed with him.

E is for Elephants

And here we Embark on a most Excellent Exploration of Every Element of the Elegant letter E.

* Learn more about Elephants, Peregrine's favorite animal
* Make Egg Salad sandwiches
* Practice 1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Encourage one another and build each other up." Find ways to be an Encouragement to others.
* Read The Little Engine that Could and talk about Endurance
* Learn about Emporer Penguins (maybe watch March of the Penguins)
* Read the Story of Echo the Bat
* Learn about Electricity
* Talk about the Excellence of our Lord and King!
* Read this poem that I loved as a girl:

ELETELEPHONY

Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant -
No! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone -
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I've got it right.)

Howe'er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee -
(I fear I'd better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)

-- Laura E. Richards (1850-1943)

And we would welcome any more ideas too!