Remembering

It was a year ago this week that we were losing a second baby through miscarriage. At the time it seemed almost surreal, that it could be happening again within just a few months. My heart ached and my mind was flooded with questions and fears. Would I be able to have another baby? What good could come from going through this a second time? Wasn't once enough? Hope seems hardest to hold onto when we need it most.

Here we are, one year later, and we can look back and see God's faithfulness to us. The road hasn't been easy, but He has been close to us, and by His grace, we have stayed close to one another. I think of the little ones who aren't with us here; I wonder what they would have been like. I think of them in heaven and wonder if they are babies, toddlers, or if in heaven all are ageless. Is there a process of growing up there? Is that what it means to be changed "from glory to glory"? Can they "see" us? Do they know that they have a family here on earth who loves them, who misses them?

I'm blessed, so much, by others who remember with us. My sister Alyssa made us two mosaic stones for the garden, one for each of them. Shortly before Christmas she stopped by with two little angel ornaments to hang on our tree to remember them by, our sweet babies who will always be loved.

One of our very close friends recently lost a baby through miscarriage, and I was able to see a glimpse of how God can use what we've gone through to help others. Erik and I were able to go spend a day with her and her husband, and I felt like there was something special in just being with her. Not that there was anything special I could say of do, but just the fact that I've been through it, that I know, was a comfort to her. My Dad reminded me of this Scripture: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." My hope has always been that something beautiful will rise out of the pain and sadness of our loss, and I've been blessed to see a glimpse of that. I hope that the comfort of Christ will flow through me to others.
Life goes on, and there is still sadness; we miss our babies. But there is healing too, there is choosing to go forward one step at a time. There is learning to ask the hard questions but not to hold onto them; instead, we cling to peace and joy and try to let go of fear and despair. There is a greater awareness that this earth is temporal and an increased longing to rest in our true home, where God will wipe away every tear and sorrow and sadness will be no more.
We remain so thankful for those of you who have walked this road with us, who have prayed for us, cried with us, encouraged us and remembered with us. We are more aware of what it means to be part of a Body as so many have shared this burden with us.

Inquiring Minds

Shadow, 30 Weeks

Here are some of the interesting questions I've been asked recently by the five and under crowd:

• Why is that part of you so fat?
• Will the doctor get the baby out?
• Will your dad pull the baby out? (I think the inquirer on this one meant my husband, not my dad.) 
• Are your n*pples starting to collect milk for the baby? 
• Is the baby going to come out of your belly button? 

This belly of mine, and its contents of course, are beginning to cause quite a stir among Peregrine and his friends. They come up with all sorts of interesting questions, as you can see! Peregrine is quite desperate for this baby to be born, and no matter how much I explain to him that he really needs to grow some more first, he remains quite convinced that sooner would be better! He's rather eager, you see, to teach his brother how to sword fight and do karate with him. (Although Pepito is, I think, already practicing his karate moves. At least it sure feels that way!) Answering some of these questions, when they don't come from my own children, can be a bit tricky. It's just hard to know sometimes exactly what to answer on some of the more delicate ones! 

Six Years

On a cold Saturday six years ago, in the presence of God, our family, and many friends, Erik and I joined our lives together in marriage. It was the end, for both of us, of many years of waiting and praying for God to bless us in this way. (I've written about my side of the story here.) And as always, the end of one season is the beginning of another. This season of marriage has been marked with beauty and grace, and, like all seasons, a few trials. Our years together have been eventful; two wonderful children have been added to us and we're awaiting the arrival of a third. We've also loved and lost two little babies through miscarriage. Erik survived cancer, we've moved a couple of times, Erik has changed jobs once, and we've traveled to Canada, Europe, and Mexico. There have been many changes, many challenges, and many, many joys. Our love has grown and deepened, and I've always been thankful that we're walking through this life, no longer alone, but together. God truly blessed us with each other, and I look forward to many, many more years!

Bits and Pieces

It seems it's rare that we get a picture of all of us together, so I thought I'd share this one my Mom took of us on Christmas day. And while I'm sharing, here's a bit of what's going on in our family this week:

• The flu, which I really don't want to share with anyone! Erik came down with it last Thursday, stayed home Friday and was sick through the weekend. He recovered (sort of) just in time to care for the rest of us who by Monday all had fevers, etc. The kids, although they've both been running fevers, have handled it pretty well, and are both doing a lot better today. I've been on the couch for most of the last three days; my fever has broken and I'm starting to feel a bit better but am incredibly tired. Erik went back to work yesterday and my Mom has been lovingly caring for us while he's at work. She is so kind and caring and comforting and also happens to make the world's best chicken soup. We are blessed.
• Last Friday I had a prenatal appointment and follow-up ultrasound, as last time they noticed some fluid build-up in our little fella's kidneys. Praise God, everything looked clear this time, and it was fun to get to peek in on him again! I'm thankful that he's very active, as all his antics are reassuring. I'm twenty-nine weeks, and we're finally starting to think about names for this little one. Thanks again to all who have and do pray for us. 
• Peregrine is really starting to read! He's been reading book two of The American Schoolhouse Reader and I'm very excited about it. He also enjoys playing and learning on the Starfall website. 
  
• I still haven't heard any news on the outcome of the meeting in Haiti. Shelley and Corrigan and their children leave in a few days for their second visit to their boys in the orphanage there, and we pray that God will speed up the process so that they can bring them home soon! I'll post when I hear anything. Thanks for your prayers for the orphans of this country. 
• Erik's coffee will be showcased at a local coffee shop this weekend, and has also been picked up by a drive through espresso stand in a neighboring city. So if you happen to sip an espresso at Theo's Coffee House this Friday evening or Saturday, or pick up a cappuccino to go from Rock Java, you'll be enjoying some of the best coffee around. (In my completely unbiased opinion!) 
• We're a diaper-free household at the moment! Well, except for night-time, but that doesn't really count in my book. After my failed attempt at potty training Poppy last summer (I got morning sickness and gave up) we started in again last Monday and she was all about it! We've had a few accidents, but for the most part she's taking herself to the potty several times a day and has even stayed dry two nights. This is the first time in over five years I'm not changing diapers, and I'm enjoying my break, short though it will be! 
  
• And speaking of diapers, has anyone out there tried infant potty training? I've always been intrigued by it, and remember seeing the women in India hold their babies, make a little "chchchch" sound, and the baby would go! So, I know it can be done. I'm just curious, and know it would be a lot of work in the beginning, but am thinking about giving it a try this time. I'd love any input, especially if you have experience (good or bad) with it. 

Well, I think that's about it for now. I hope this finds you all well, and having a good week! 

...and a Happy New Year!

It's hard to believe that 2008 is upon us. I hope that everyone had a joyous celebration of our Lord's birth! We certainly did; we spent Christmas Eve with Erik's parents and then Christmas Day with my family. We are so very thankful to live near so many of our family members! I feel like life is settling down after a very busy fall, our Mexico trip, and then Christmas. We've been enjoying more stay-at-home days, working on projects and reading lots of books together. I'm also feeling motivated to get some of my bigger projects done before our little fellow makes his appearance toward the end of March. I hope to be posting a little more regularly, but realistically I might not! For now, here are some pictures from our Christmas celebration.

The kids enjoyed decorating- and eating- gingerbread cookies!

Grandma "cooking" with Poppy, who was very happy to get some of her own kitchen things and a new apron that fits.

For as long as I can remember, my Dad reads or tells the Christmas story, while the kids act it out using our old, well-loved nativity set.

When Poppy opened her new rolling pin from Grandma and Papa she squealed "Now I can work with Mama!"

My sister Gloria and I- both becoming "great with child"! 

Gloria painted this beautiful picture and gave it to me!

May this year be full of love, joy, and peace in the Lord Jesus Christ!