Nine Years Ago

Erik and I shortly before his diagnosis.

    This is a repost from a few years ago, but as I've been thinking these same thoughts I thought I'd share it again. I'm so grateful for every day with my husband and family!

    As October passes by my thoughts always turn to remembrance and thanksgiving for the life of my family. Nine years ago at this time I was very, very pregnant with Peregrine. He was, in fact, due around the 20th although he wasn't born until November 1st. On Monday, the 14th of October, Erik visited our family doctor because he was concerned about the hard swelling in one of his testicles. Our doctor mentioned a few possibilities, one of them being cancer*, and referred him to a urologist. I called to schedule an appointment and was told they couldn't see him for nearly two months. I tried another doctor who could get him in sooner; I honestly didn't think it could be cancer or I would have pushed a lot harder! But God knows, and on Wednesday of that week the second doctor's office called and said there was a cancellation and he could see Erik on Thursday.

    Thursday came, and Erik went to his appointment. He came home and told me the urologist was confident it was cancerous and wanted to remove the testicle the next day! To this day I wish I'd have gone to that appointment with him; again, I really didn't think it was anything serious or I would have been there. No one should be alone when they're given that kind of news. We called our friends and family; I don't believe we'd even mentioned it to them prior to this. (This had all happened in a matter of four days!) Our close family came over that evening to pray with us for the surgery, which was scheduled for Friday afternoon.

    I don't remember exactly how I reacted to all of this; it was so shocking, such a short time to absorb such news, but I do remember God's peace and comfort. Even in peace though, there are a lot of questions, and we were certainly asking them! Did this doctor know what he was doing, removing a testicle without doing any biopsies? What if the cancer had spread to the other side, or elsewhere in Erik's body? I was very thankful we'd gotten pregnant right away after getting married; what if we weren't able to have any more children? What if I went into labor tomorrow? What if Erik died, leaving behind a young wife and child? All of these thoughts and more swirled through our minds, but truly, God gave us great peace in the midst of this sudden storm. My Dad mentioned the other day that he wished every couple could have the first two years of their marriage free from any big trials, but it just isn't that way, is it? We'd been married only nine months, and were facing something I'd never even imagined going through!

    Erik went to work the next morning and worked until noon. I guess he figured he'd be off the next few weeks and with a new baby coming should work as much as he could. We drove to the hospital and our parents met us there. Again, we all prayed together, and then Erik was admitted and prepped for surgery. His sense of humor always intact, he'd taken a Sharpie and drawn an arrow pointing to the side where they were going to operate! The hours went by and I sat surrounded by our loving and wonderful families. We visited and prayed and quilted and joked about me going into labor right then- hey, I was already in the hospital!

    Finally someone came out and told us that the surgery had gone well and Erik was in recovery. At last we were able to see him and a while later he was discharged from the hospital. We drove back to our cozy little duplex, thankful that everything had gone well and now praying our baby would stay put for a while so Erik could heal before having care for me and a newborn! We prayed for at least a few days, but God gave us two whole weeks before Peregrine was born! The time was good for both of us; Erik needed to rest and heal, and it was good for me to spend the last weeks of my pregnancy relaxing with my husband and not frantically trying to do a lot of things! Many of his coworkers donated their paid time off to him so he didn't have to take any time off without pay.

    About a week after his surgery we met with his doctor and learned the results of the biopsy; it was indeed cancerous. Blood tests, CT scans, and x-rays revealed that it hadn't spread anywhere else in his body, but it was still recommended that he have localized radiation. This began shortly after Peregrine was born; Erik went five mornings a week for five weeks, then went faithfully to work each day. He experienced nausea similar to that of morning sickness during this time. His long term follow-up entailed biannual CT scans for the first few years, and then every two years for the rest of his life.

    We're incredibly thankful that God allowed us to catch this early and got us into a doctor quickly. If we'd waited several weeks for the first appointment, the cancer could have spread. Erik is now healthy and has been cancer free for five years! We're also thankful that it didn't affect his fertility (obviously!) and that the Lord has surrounded us with such loving and supportive family and friends. Isn't God good to us, even when He allows us to go through such trials?

    *If you have a husband or a son, you should be aware of testicular cancer. It is most common in young men between the ages of 20 and 39, but there have been cases in boys as young as 12. If detected early it's highly treatable and has an excellent survival rate. If not detected, it likes to spread to the lungs and chest area. Men are supposed to do monthly self-exams to check for any swelling, hardness, lumps, or discomfort in the testicles, and should see a doctor right away if anything is out of the ordinary. Making the men in your life aware of this could save their lives!

Hello World!

I realize it's been a long, long time since I've posted anything on here. Such is life. I keep thinking I should find the time to give a good update on our life and family, but that obviously hasn't happened... yet. So, I'll just share with you the big news, the news that will likely explain the long absence. We are happily expecting Baby #4 in May! I'm 15 weeks along, and feeling much better than I was for a while there. Life is busy, between homeschooling and all the normal things that go on around here. But we are all well, and are extremely happy and thankful that God has blessed us once again. Hopefully I will write more soon, but we shall see. A blessed and happy Thanksgiving to you all!

The Big Day

Today's the day, the magical "due date" that we've looked to for so many months now. I know as well as anyone that babies come when they're ready and not according to some day marked on the calendar. Even so, it's a bit disappointing to have "arrived" at the day and not feel as if anything is happening!
I thought I'd post a little update on how I'm doing and also a request for prayer. Overall, I'm doing pretty well. Physically I'm feeling well for the most part. I'm easily tired out and have minor annoyances like swollen feet and some back aches, but am not super uncomfortable. I've had enough energy to keep my kids cared for and fed, the laundry done, etc. (And my family has been great, as always, with helping out, bringing a meal, etc.) Also, thankfully, I've been sleeping pretty well. (Other than frequent trips to the bathroom!)
Emotionally I'm feeling a bit brittle these days. I know that changing hormones and tiredness contribute to some of that, and I'm trying to rest as much as is reasonable. Some days that's more than others! I've struggled with fear a lot during this pregnancy, mostly at the beginning, as that was the period of time we lost the previous two babies to miscarriage. For several months I'd had a lot of peace, and then the last few weeks have been battling the fear again. It's not so much going through labor, although I'm not looking forward to it, but fear that everything will be okay and that our little boy will be okay. Please pray with me that I will cling to the Lord and look to Him and not give in to fear, but be able to rest and trust in Him.
I saw my doctor today and everything was fine, but nothing looks imminent as far as we can tell. I knew that it would, but didn't like that the discussion had to turn to what we'll do if he's not born by this time next week. I'm scheduled to go in next Thursday for a non-stress test and ultrasound just to check on our little guy and see how he's doing. Apparently medical protocol, for whatever it's worth, has changed it's mind and now recommends inducing at one week past due instead of two as it used to be. So, at that point, they will want to induce me, probably the next day. I tend to be pretty anti-intervention and really, really don't like the idea of being induced. On the other hand, Peregrine was born about two weeks past his due date, and the placenta showed signs of aging. The really scary part was that after he was born the umbilical cord broke in two pieces- it was very, very fragile. (I remember cutting the cord at one birth I attended, and normally they're very tough.) So, after seeing that, I know that there is some risk in waiting longer, and I'd rather not be put in a place to have to make the decision whether or not to induce. I know induction increases the likelihood of further intervention, but after seeing that with Peregrine I would tend to err on the side of caution and listen to my doctor's advice.
So, that's where we are now. Just for the record, I've had one baby born two weeks past due and another six days early. Also, Erik came from work yesterday feeling awful and slept for over four hours. He stayed home today and has been resting but still doesn't feel well and has a pretty bad sore throat. Obviously, it would be ideal if he feels strong and healthy when the time comes for our baby to be born.
So, here are some points for prayer:

• That Erik will recover from this sickness and the rest of us will stay healthy.
  
• That I will go into labor naturally before next Thursday.
  
• That I will overcome this fear and be able to experience the peace and rest and joy of the Lord.
  
• That the labor and delivery of this baby will go normally and quickly.
  
• That baby will be healthy and strong.
  

I know that many of you have prayed faithfully for us during this pregnancy, and we're so thankful to each one of you. Please continue to remember us during this time, and we'll do our best to keep you posted when anything happens! Also, if you have any Scripture verses you'd like to share that might help me to focus on what is good and true that would be great.

Waiting

This weekend we finally got around to taking some pictures of "the belly", stretch marks and all! You can see The Belly (full of Peregrine) and The Belly (Alethea) by following the links. I don't know if I'm a lot bigger this time around, but I feel enormous! (Granted, these pictures were taken a few weeks later in the pregnancy.) 

Please join us in praying for a strong and healthy baby, an uncomplicated delivery, and that it will happen soon. I'd also appreciate prayers for my peace of mind as I wait. I've been struggling with fear that everything will be okay, and I want this time to be one of joy, not of fear, as we anticipate the birth of our son. Many of you have prayed for us through the ups and downs of the last few years, and we're so thankful. Please keep it up! 

Stocking the Freezer

Potato Boats, ready to be individually frozen, then placed in gallon zipper bags. 

Sometime during each pregnancy I come to the firm conclusion that after the birth of the baby I'm never going to be able to do anything again. My life is going to consist of nothing but nursing, changing diapers, snuggling, sleeping, and, of course, caring for my older children. I might find time now and then to read a book (while nursing), take a shower (once in a while), check email and read a blog or two (again, while nursing), and maybe get a bit of sleep here and there. But anything extra, like cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning the house, will have no place in my life anymore. I think all women great with child must feel somewhat like this, thus the "nesting instinct" that comes upon us. Now, some women start cleaning furiously, wanting to make their nest as cozy and tidy as can be. But not me; I have a much more base drive. My family must eat after this baby is born, and since I'll never be able to cook again, I'd better stock my pantry and freezer with lots of food! We can live with mess, but I don't want anyone starving to death around here. (I haven't forgotten my wonderful family and friends who will inevitably bring meals, but somehow they don't figure into this picture. What happens after the first few weeks when no one brings meals anymore?) 

Thus, the grocery bill that has skyrocketed in the last few weeks. Some people stocked up for Y2K; I stock up for babies. My latest frenzy involves cooking extra food to freeze. I normally make big soups and try to always have a few freezer meals on hand, but this has gone beyond the realm of normal. (And I'm just getting started!) I got the book Fix, Freeze, Feast, and while I haven't yet made any of the recipes, have gotten some great ideas on how to modify my own recipes to be more freezer friendly. Here's what's in the freezer so far:

• Stacy's fabulous Chicken Mirabella (3 Bags)
• Chicken Enchiladas (1 Pan, 2 Meals for us)
• Pizza Dough, Cheese, and Meat (3 Pizzas. Sauce to be made and frozen soon. I hope.)
• Stuffed Potatoes (2 Meals, AKA Potato Boats, served with a triangle of cheese for a sail!)
• Black Bean Chili (1 Container, 2 Meals)
• White Bean Soup (2 Containers, 4 Meals)

I've also purchased ingredients for a couple more chicken meals and I don't remember what else at the moment. I plan to make a big pot of refried beans and freeze them in small containers as they can be used for many quick meals. (Tostadas are one of our family's favorites. They also go nicely with quesodillas, which are a lunchtime staple around here.) I also plan to make some cookie dough to freeze, another thing I like to do anyway. I scoop it onto the cookie sheet, freeze, then package in smaller bags. This way we can bake just a few cookies at a time and not have a ton of them sitting around begging to be eaten! 

So, here's where I'm turning to you, whoever you may be! Do you have any favorite recipes that freeze well? I'd love to try them out on my unsuspecting family in the next while. I don't get this motivated very often, and have to take advantage of it when I do. Thanks in advance! 

Flashback

It's hard to believe that three years have passed since this photo was taken. Peregrine is a lot bigger, but I look about the same! And of course the baby that was in there then is now a sweet nearly-three-year-old girl. It's about time for another belly photo shoot! 

Inquiring Minds

Shadow, 30 Weeks

Here are some of the interesting questions I've been asked recently by the five and under crowd:

• Why is that part of you so fat?
• Will the doctor get the baby out?
• Will your dad pull the baby out? (I think the inquirer on this one meant my husband, not my dad.) 
• Are your n*pples starting to collect milk for the baby? 
• Is the baby going to come out of your belly button? 

This belly of mine, and its contents of course, are beginning to cause quite a stir among Peregrine and his friends. They come up with all sorts of interesting questions, as you can see! Peregrine is quite desperate for this baby to be born, and no matter how much I explain to him that he really needs to grow some more first, he remains quite convinced that sooner would be better! He's rather eager, you see, to teach his brother how to sword fight and do karate with him. (Although Pepito is, I think, already practicing his karate moves. At least it sure feels that way!) Answering some of these questions, when they don't come from my own children, can be a bit tricky. It's just hard to know sometimes exactly what to answer on some of the more delicate ones! 

Bits and Pieces

It seems it's rare that we get a picture of all of us together, so I thought I'd share this one my Mom took of us on Christmas day. And while I'm sharing, here's a bit of what's going on in our family this week:

• The flu, which I really don't want to share with anyone! Erik came down with it last Thursday, stayed home Friday and was sick through the weekend. He recovered (sort of) just in time to care for the rest of us who by Monday all had fevers, etc. The kids, although they've both been running fevers, have handled it pretty well, and are both doing a lot better today. I've been on the couch for most of the last three days; my fever has broken and I'm starting to feel a bit better but am incredibly tired. Erik went back to work yesterday and my Mom has been lovingly caring for us while he's at work. She is so kind and caring and comforting and also happens to make the world's best chicken soup. We are blessed.
• Last Friday I had a prenatal appointment and follow-up ultrasound, as last time they noticed some fluid build-up in our little fella's kidneys. Praise God, everything looked clear this time, and it was fun to get to peek in on him again! I'm thankful that he's very active, as all his antics are reassuring. I'm twenty-nine weeks, and we're finally starting to think about names for this little one. Thanks again to all who have and do pray for us. 
• Peregrine is really starting to read! He's been reading book two of The American Schoolhouse Reader and I'm very excited about it. He also enjoys playing and learning on the Starfall website. 
  
• I still haven't heard any news on the outcome of the meeting in Haiti. Shelley and Corrigan and their children leave in a few days for their second visit to their boys in the orphanage there, and we pray that God will speed up the process so that they can bring them home soon! I'll post when I hear anything. Thanks for your prayers for the orphans of this country. 
• Erik's coffee will be showcased at a local coffee shop this weekend, and has also been picked up by a drive through espresso stand in a neighboring city. So if you happen to sip an espresso at Theo's Coffee House this Friday evening or Saturday, or pick up a cappuccino to go from Rock Java, you'll be enjoying some of the best coffee around. (In my completely unbiased opinion!) 
• We're a diaper-free household at the moment! Well, except for night-time, but that doesn't really count in my book. After my failed attempt at potty training Poppy last summer (I got morning sickness and gave up) we started in again last Monday and she was all about it! We've had a few accidents, but for the most part she's taking herself to the potty several times a day and has even stayed dry two nights. This is the first time in over five years I'm not changing diapers, and I'm enjoying my break, short though it will be! 
  
• And speaking of diapers, has anyone out there tried infant potty training? I've always been intrigued by it, and remember seeing the women in India hold their babies, make a little "chchchch" sound, and the baby would go! So, I know it can be done. I'm just curious, and know it would be a lot of work in the beginning, but am thinking about giving it a try this time. I'd love any input, especially if you have experience (good or bad) with it. 

Well, I think that's about it for now. I hope this finds you all well, and having a good week! 

On Becoming a Fish

"If only I had waterproof eyes!"

In these busy, and happy days leading up to the celebration of our Lord's birth, I hope you are all abiding in His joy and peace! Here are a few tidbits from life in our family:

• Erik got the final installment of our Mexico pictures online. You can see them here.
• I had this conversation with Peregrine while driving the other day: "Mom, I'm going to pray that God will turn me into a fish." I think my response was something along the lines of "Oh, why do you want to become a fish?" to which he replied "So that I can be a really good swimmer" And then, "Do fish have waterproof eyes?" I affirmed that yes, fish have waterproof eyes. "Good," said he, "then I'll pray that God will make me into one." He then asked if I'd like to become a fish too, but I said I was pretty happy being a human mama. To that he said "Well, you won't have a boy anymore." The next morning my boy, who was thankfully still a boy, asked me if fish have birthdays. I said that they have hatchdays, but they don't pay any attention to them; fish don't get to have hatchday parties, or presents, or cake. After a brief pause Peregrine said "Well, I guess I'll stay a boy then." I was quite relieved. I like fish and all, but I really like my boy. And I guess he weighed it out and decided that birthdays are even better than waterproof eyes.
  
• I'm twenty-five weeks pregnant, and so thankful that everything is going well. "Pepito" is a very active little guy, and his kicks and thumps make me so happy and thankful. For those of you who know my sister Gloria, she and Okon are also having a baby, just a few weeks after we are! Thankfully, her pregnancy is also going well. And if that weren't enough, my sister Alyssa and her husband have begun the process of adoption, and hope that God will put two more children in their family in the next while. So we are all happily "expecting"!
  
• Speaking of adoption, my friend Shelley has designed all sort of great shirts and other products that celebrate adoption. She and her husband have two beautiful boys in Haiti who are waiting to come home. If you or someone you know is adopting, has adopted, is adopted, or just wants to show their support of adoption, go and see! And if an order is placed by 3PM on Wednesday they will give you a free shipping upgrade so it can still be there in time for Christmas. The proceeds will help to finance their adoption.
  

Have a wonderful week preparing for Christmas!

Sneak Preview

Yesterday Erik and I were privileged to get a sneak preview of what no one else will get to see until sometime in March. It's been in the works for over four months now, but won't be ready to be unveiled until sometime in March. What is it, you ask? The 2008 model of the G- family baby! That's right, we got to see the little one who has been kicking and squirming around in there, and it appears that all is well. There is a little fluid in one kidney and that's something they want to keep an eye on but otherwise everything looks right on track. And, drum roll please..... we're having another boy!! Now to start thinking of names. That's never easy for us.
We're so thankful for the many of you who are keeping us in your prayers, and are happy to share this good news with you.

October Days

Another couple of weeks have gone by without me sitting down to post anything. Life is happening, and I'm living it. What more can I say? Here are some various things that have been going on in our busy lives these days:

• Erik and I got to go away overnight for our fifth anniversary, which was only nine months ago! We figured we'd better squeeze a trip in before our sixth comes around! We went up the river and stayed in a cabin in the forest. We also did some hiking and explored an old logging road where we had magnificent views of the Sisters' Mountains. It's amazing how just getting away overnight can refresh you!

• We've been getting involved in some activities with a local homeschool group. Every other Friday the kids get to have open play time at a gymnastics place, and on the alternate weeks a local pool has a homeschool swim time. We're enjoying both the physical activity and the making of new friends.

• We decided to take Peregrine to AWANA this year, and he's absolutely loving it. He just earned his vest and is busy memorizing verses to earn his first badge. I've wanted to have him memorize Scripture more regularly and this is giving us the structure to do that. It's been kind of hard for me to let him do this, but it helps that they like the moms to come help out in the classes!

• Speaking of Peregrine, his fifth birthday is coming up in just a few weeks! We always have a costume party for him, so in some of my spare moments I'm working on costumes for the kids. There's also the cake and pinata to be planned! (For those of you who are doing the math about when we got married, yes, he's a honeymoom baby!)

• And speaking of babies, we are overjoyed that my pregnancy is going well; I'm almost seventeen weeks along and am beginning to feel the first little baby flutters! Thanks so much to all of you who remember us in your prayers.

• In four weeks we'll be leaving for some family time in sunny Mexico. We're all looking forward to this very much, and I'm already making lists and trying to get things together for our trip.

• And finally, I'd like to introduce you to my two newest creations, Mrs. Acorn and her little son, who are gracing our fall display (set up by Peregrine) with their presence. I hope to make some more members of this little forest family when I have the time! (Maybe next fall?) I'm still debating on whether or not to give them faces; what do you think?

When I put this all down, it's no wonder I'm tired! And also why I haven't taken the time to blog lately!

Rejoicing!

As this afternoon's appointment drew nearer I could feel my stomach tying up in knots. Erik is out of town, and I didn't want to go alone, so my wonderful Mom went with me. We prayed together before we went in, and I know that many others were praying as well. (Thank you!) The wait seemed to take forever, and finally my doctor came in. Thankfully, she got right down to business, and asked if we wanted to listen for the heartbeat. Of course! I lay there, praying, hoping, listening, praying. We could hear the blood rushing through my veins loud and clear, but I strained to hear the softer, faster beating of a tiny heart. And then, there it was! Tears came to my eyes, and my Mom's as well, as we rejoiced at the evidence of the life within me! Thank You, thank You, Lord, for this little one!
I'm so grateful, and so happy to have heard that beautiful sound today! Thanks so much for the encouraging words and the prayers that have been going up on our behalf. We appreciate it so very, very much.
With Love,
Rebeca

Remembering

These thoughts have been wandering around my mind for a good two weeks now. I've been thinking them, feeling them, holding them close, but they are the hardest ones to write down. But today has some, and today I'm going to try...
It was a year ago, on August 30, that we learned the baby I was carrying had died. I was ten weeks along, just as I was on August 30 of this year. The days that followed were filled with grief, waiting, fear, peace, anticipation, tears, and much, much love. We waited for my body to give up the one who had already flown away to Jesus. The days stretched on and I nurtured a secret hope that the ultrasound had been wrong, that really my baby was alive and still growing inside me. I resisted any intervention that would take her away.... just in case. I battled against fear, fear of the miscarriage, fear of pain, and waited. Early on the morning of September 9th my body let go of the one it could hold no more. I knew right away I was losing too much blood and my parents came over quickly. My Daddy stayed home with our sleeping children while Erik and my Mom took me to the Emergency Room. The next several hours went by as if in a strange dream; both Erik and I remember it as one of the worst days of our lives. Finally, I was allowed to come home, home to my family, home to my bed and my couch which would cradle me for the next few weeks as I slowly regained the strength that had flowed out of me. Our families set up a schedule so that someone would always be with me; friends and family brought meals. In the midst of the loss I was surrounded with incredible love and care. We named her Esther Bihana Hope. Bihana is a Nepali word for morning, and by it remember Christ's resurrection and through it the Hope He gives to us.
It took a few months for me to feel strong again. In January I learned that I was pregnant again, and it was only a week before I began to lose that little one. We were once again visited by grief and sorrow, fresh pain for the new loss, and the reliving of the first loss. Our second baby, Lydia Grace, would be due this month. How many times I've let my mind wander into a place of "if only". "She'd be this old now" or "I'd be this far along now". While those thoughts do come, I've realized how easily I can allow myself to let them take over the joy of the present, and I try not to dwell much on what is not.
Now, I am 11 weeks pregnant with yet another life, another gift from God. I realize that they are all His, on loan to us for a time, and each day we have them is a blessing. But how tightly I want to cling to them! I struggle with fear for the life of this little one; I so desperately want to hold our baby in my arms, to watch this little one grow. As I've relived these events over the last few weeks, the fear has begun to overshadow me, and once again I must do battle. By God's grace, and through your prayers, I will overcome it and embrace the joy of today.
I'm so thankful when people remember our babies. To me, they are a real part of our family, even though we don't get to know them in this life. My Dad, especially, has often remembered them in ways that mean so much to me. When counting his grandchildren, he included them, and on occasions when our family is all together he will tell me that he misses them too. They are loved and not forgotten. Thank you to those who have remembered me these past few weeks; I so appreciate your prayers and kindness. I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon and I ask once again for your prayers. I'm both excited and apprehensive about it, and will let you know how it goes.

Giving Thanks

First, I want to thank each of you who has been praying for us and our baby. It means so much to us to know that we're not alone in this.
This morning I had my first appointment with the doctor. My midwife closed her practice nearly a year ago, and I wasn't happy with the other midwifery options in town, so decided to go to a doctor that was highly recommended by a few friends. Both Erik and I liked her a lot; she was friendly and professional, and spent lots of time talking with us. All he office staff seemed relaxed and friendly as well and the atmosphere was nice.
Most importantly, we got to see our tiny baby and were reassured that everything is happening as it should be! When the doctor pointed out the little heart beating I began to cry and said "There's really a baby in there?" Yes, there really is, and everything looks normal and good! Praise and thanks be to God!
We always pray together as a family before bed, thanking God for the day and praying about whatever is on our hearts. (Or, if you're Peregrine, thanking God for everything in sight. Yep, we're in that phase. It gets a bit long, but you can hardly tell your child to stop praying!) My frequent prayer recently has been that God will keep His hand on our little baby. The other day, out of the blue, Peregrine asked me "Mom, what does it mean for God to keep His hand on our baby? Does it mean that the baby has air in it, and if God takes His hand off, the baby would float up to heaven?" I love that boy, and the things that come out of his mind!
Thank You God, for keeping Your hand on us and on our baby!

God Has Heard

I'm feeling a bit on the green side these days. Not green as in uber-wealthy, or green as in "I'm more environmentally conscious that you", but green as in icky, urpy, nauseous. The reason, as you may be surmising, is that I'm pregnant! (You are so smart!)
Yes, you read that right. We're expecting again! I'm about six weeks along, and am once again getting used to the yucky feelings that tend to accompany this part of pregnancy. I've never before "announced" so early, but those of you who know me or who've been reading a while know that my last two pregnancies ended in miscarriage, one last September, and another in January. All that to say, many of you have shared our sorrows, encouraged us, and offered up a wealth of prayers on our behalf. Because of that, we want you to share our joy and ask that you join us in praying for this new little one God has entrusted to us.
I've run the gamut of emotions in the last few weeks. The first several days after we found out, I really struggled with, and often gave in to, fear and worry. I couldn't even let myself think that I'm actually going to have a baby. Pregnant? Yes. Going to have a baby? Doubtful. Erik asked me one night if I thought we will have a girl or a boy this time, and I tearfully said "I just want to have this one." I shared with him my fears, how a thousand times a day I thought about losing another baby, how letting myself get excited was just too painful. He gently exhorted me not to give in to fear, not to feed it, and helped me come up with a plan of action and of prayer to combat the worry.
Since then, by God's grace, I've been doing much better. Of course I still have concerns, but they're not robbing me of the joy I have in carrying a new life. I'm allowing myself to think about the pregnancy progressing and getting to hold this baby in my arms. I know there are no guarantees, but I'm feeling God's peace for today, and trying not to worry about what could happen in the future.
I asked Peregrine one day what he thought we should name this baby. Without hesitation he answered "We should call him Samuel." I asked him why and he said "Because it means God hears. God has heard out prayers!" He remembered that from the story of Samuel in the Bible, and of all the names he could have chosen, that was the one he said!
God has heard our prayers, and yours as well. We're so thankful for all of you who have walked with us and prayed for us the last year, and we ask that you don't stop now! Please continue to pray for us, and especially for this pregnancy to go well. Thanks so much!